My oldest daughter turns 4 next week and will start school in September so I have been thinking a lot about what I want her to grow up believing about herself. And I think it is this: That she is enough. Good enough, smart enough, creative enough, kind enough, all of it. That she has within her what it takes to do whatever she chooses to do.
In the early stages of my career, corporate feminism was on the up. I was the Lean In generation devouring books like the Confidence Code and even just a few months ago I read How Women Rise. These books promised me that if I fixed one thing about myself – prioritised better, got a mentor, did a power pose – then I would accelerate my career. And even though many of these books include caveats acknowledging problems with the system, not just the person, I was still left feeling like I wasn’t enough and that I needed to do more and change one more thing about myself. And that felt, well, just a bit shitty.
And now I see a new wave of books emerging that flip this narrative. Bruce Daisley’s “Fortitude” and Reshma Saujani’s “Pay Up” argue that it is an organisation’s responsibility to provide the cultures and structures for everyone to thrive. If you want more resilient employees (Bruce argues) then don’t run resilience training for your staff, build cultures that foster, reward and nurture resilience. I admire, support and believe in what they are advocating, and they certainly don’t leave me feeling bad about myself, but it does leave me feeling a little powerless. Problems with the system are big, systemic and take decades to shift – I totally agree things need to change, but I am left feeling a bit stuck and overwhelmed about my role in all of that.
The media likes opposites. It likes to pitch one side against another – Kate vs. Meghan, Left vs. Right, and in this context, fix the person vs. fix the organisation.
In truth I think the answer lies somewhere in between. I choose to grow myself professionally because that feels good to me. I enjoy learning new skills, working with people who think differently from me, having my ideas challenged and expanded. I don’t see this as ‘fixing’ something about me. I don’t see this as ‘chasing’ what I do not have. I choose to believe that I am both enough, and capable of more. And this is my wish for my daughter.
Thank you for reading. If you enjoyed this then please like, share and comment. I always love hearing people's thoughts and feelings.
A common misconception is that coaching is about “fixing” – this is a myth. Coaching is about amplifying, growing and expanding your power and your impact. Get in touch to find out more about my 'ready to lead' and 'you got this' individual and group leadership coaching – zoe@youburnbright.com
And for more inspo, listen to Reshma’s incredible interview with Steven Bartlett on his Diary of a CEO podcast - https://open.spotify.com/episode/7IKTQTMpjlFlTt5VEK3uoq - I certainly ended the podcast feeling both enough and capable of more
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